Written by Katherine Dreyer, Co-Founder of ChiRunning & ChiWalking
Founder of ChiLife Coaching
As humans, we have access to a magical tool for personal transformation that we use too little and forget we have. It is not giving pep talks.
It is the power to listen, deeply and intently, to ourselves, our children, partners, and friends.
We overlook its power and transformative potential because we don’t fully appreciate the impact of our listening and quiet presence.
Like many of us, you might hope that others would take the time to listen to you for a change.
The big question is, do you listen to yourself?
Many relationship therapists suggest you repeat back what your partner says when communication becomes difficult. Hearing their own words reflected back can be very reassuring, helping to calm their nervous system and diffuses rising, heated energies.
It works with your kids, coworkers, and anyone else you interact with. By repeating their words, you show that you’ve listened, and it gives them a chance to hear their own words and clarify them.
Restating what someone has said dramatically improves communications between people.
In the Self-listening Practice that I’ve provided below, you’re applying the same approach, but toward yourself.
The point is to build a stronger relationship with yourself!
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You might think, “Listen to myself? I hear that voice all day, and nothing seems magical about it.”
Or maybe you don’t even notice your internal dialogue because it’s so constant it blends in the background like a persistent, dull rumble.
But have you ever stopped and truly paid attention to your inner experience? And even more so, can you sense the quality of these inner communications?
Are these voices kind and supportive? Or are they demanding, anxious, or confused?
No matter what your feelings and thoughts are like, they will feel supported with the following practice.
Your Guide to the Mindful Practice of Self-listening
- Bring awareness to the internal voices speaking to you, and feel the emotions that arise in you. Establish “The Listener”, also known as “The Observer “or “The Witness”.This is the core and wholeness of you that sees yourself from the most elevated vantage point. It’s the place that notices and registers all that you do and your emotional response to life. This will make more sense as you learn this practice.
- Repeat back and acknowledge the thoughts, feelings and directives you hear within.If a voice says, “You’ve got a lot to do, you’d better hurry,” your response, either aloud if you’re alone, or internally, will be, “I hear you, you’re concerned I have a lot to do, so you want me to hurry. I hear you.”
Give this voice or feeling in you a sense that you are genuinely paying attention to it.
Then notice the shift in the energy. Even if it feels subtle, it makes a huge difference and lasting impact.
If you have an anxious feeling, acknowledge it in a similar way, “I feel you. You’re anxious. You’re worried. I feel you.”
If you feel confused or unsure of yourself, let that feeling know you’re aware of it by saying, “I feel you, you’re confused and unsure of yourself.”
Address your voices and feelings as something separate from you. You are The Listener and you can create space between you and your thoughts and emotions.
Try to listen without judgment, and even better, with compassion. Don’t worry if you can’t always achieve this—ultimately, that’s the goal.
- Invite your thoughts and feelings to share more with you. In the rush of the day, just a simple acknowledgement, such as, “I hear you,” can be sufficient.However, try to carve out time for deeper listening when possible, and offer an inner invitation for your thoughts and feelings to tell you more. “Oh, you’re feeling anxious. Tell me what you’re concerned about.” Or, “Wow, you’re really angry. I hear you.” Stay with the feeling and listen to all the reasons it is angry from the place of The Witness.
Are you concerned that talking to yourself might mean you’re crazy? The truth is just the opposite.
The power of this practice is immeasurable.
- You’ll be establishing and strengthening The Witness in your life, which will help you gain confidence in your ability to handle challenging people and situations. You’ll become a more neutral observer of your own life.
- Your thoughts and emotions will feel truly heard and acknowledged, making them more recognizable, understandable, and manageable. You’ll discover they become most chaotic when they don’t feel listened to.
- By repeating back what you’re hearing and feeling, you have a chance to reflect on how you actually feel. This process helps reveal that not every thought or feeling is necessarily real or accurate.
- You’ll be a better listener for those around you, and…
Strangely enough, when you begin to listen to yourself more, you may find that others start to listen to you more as well.
That is the magic and the miracle of this Mindful Practice of Self-listening.
If you need support, I’d love to be your guide.
ChiLife Coaching adapts the principles used in ChiRunning and ChiWalking to bring positive change to your whole life.
